


Ashes of Myself

by bubblestae



Category: bts, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, Biker Jeongguk, Bottom Kim Taehyung | V, Emotional Abuse, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Smut, Happy Ending?, M/M, More tags will be added as the story progresses, Strangers to Lovers, Top Jeon Jungkook, Violinist Taehyung, fluff?, i don’t know what to add anymore, mentions of depression, mentions of drugs (mild), mentions slight physical abuse, my first time on ao3 lol, runaways - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:56:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25334257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bubblestae/pseuds/bubblestae
Summary: being a child prodigy, violinist Kim Taehyung is raised with expectations he cannot really handle. so two weeks before a performance that can guarantee his future in the classical world, he runs away from home only to meet biker Jeongguk, wild and imperfect, someone who doesn’t fit into his world but being with him promises Taehyung a freedom he desires.
Relationships: Jeon Jungkook/Kim Taehyung | V, Jung Hoseok | J-Hope/Kim Namjoon | RM, Min Yoongi | Suga/Park Jimin
Comments: 5
Kudos: 48





	Ashes of Myself

**Author's Note:**

> oh my gosh. this is my first time writing on ao3 so i’m nervous. i am still learning how to go through here but yeah! hope you enjoy this!

They say, when Kim Taehyung plays the violin, he becomes one with the emotions he portrays through the music, so intricate, captivating human emotions and letting it flow in melodies that the audience actually feels each one of them, twirling around them in soft, sometimes fierce, waves until it completely settles in their heart. 

Kim Taehyung was a child prodigy, mastering the violin at such a tender age of 7, years of practice and resilience only bettering his techniques at a level not many can attain. He is 23 now—still unreachable, skills still unattainable by many who wish to be on par with him, still the natural prodigy he once was. 

The audience is hooked, captivated as the hall is filled with Taehyung’s solo performance of “Violin Concerto in D minor-sibelius”. Taehyung moves in grace, along with his bow and his companion of many years, rested on his shoulders. It’s fascinating to watch him move along with the twining, the highs and lows of the melodies he produces, the orchestra backing him up from behind him. He has his eyes closed, eyebrows furrowed as he goes at a pace faster, then slower until he builds up the intensity he needs before finishing the performance with the ending note. 

The hall is silent, the audience still basking in the afterglow of the performance they just witnessed. The only sound resonating in the hall, is of Taehyung’s shaky breaths, sweat beads clinging on his forehead, his perfectly styled hair before he had gotten on stage, slightly tousled now, his eyes reflect the spotlights right above the stage, chest heaving up and down. 

Then the clapping begins, people getting up on their feet, smiles and eyes in wonder at the young man who perfectly portrayed the solo performance many struggle to learn and deliver. It was a performance of magnificent calibre and no less was expected from Kim Taehyung when the audience had filled into the hall earlier that day. Their time was worth it, their expectations met and maybe had even gone beyond excellence. 

The young violinist gives a bright smile, bowing down in gratitude like he was taught to all those years back. He can hear the cheers, the sounds of rich applause, but all he can see is the lights, blinding him, preventing him from seeing the audience, like always. He can hear the praises, the conductor coming forward to shake his hands, telling him he did a good job as usual. 

He can hear everything, but no one can hear his soul screaming to rush out, to walk away from where he stands at the moment. He suppresses it with practiced perfection, the cries of his soul invisible on his smile. And no one will probably ever notice it. 

  
  
  


☽☽☽

  
  
  


Taehyung is by the water fountain a few minutes later after his performance, drinking a cup of water, allowing it to cool down his parched throat. It is the last performance for him this week until the Seoul International Music Competitions two weeks later. Maybe it was the last performance for this week, Taehyung let himself relax, the tiredness seeping in during that moment. 

“There he is.” A familiar voice says and though Taehyung wishes he can just ignore it, he really cannot.

Putting down the cup, he turns around with his manufactured smile, something he is proud to have mastered along the years, and faces his father. 

Kim Donggun is a man with many names—director of the nation’s top music academy, known by celebrities, politicians, musicians of all genres around the world, a legend in the classical world, and most importantly, he is known as Kim Taehyung’s father. It  _ is  _ only natural that Kim Taehyung follows in his footsteps, and that is something Taehyung is not really proud of. 

There is another familiar face beside his father, Park Insik, the legendary actor Taehyung grew up watching and meeting during family dinners, his father’s childhood friend so to say. 

“Hello Uncle.” Taehyung bows in greeting, falling into an easy smile. 

He is one of the few people Taehyung actually likes having around, someone who sees past his musical talent, someone who sees Taehyung as the 23 year old guy he is.

“Taehyung-ah, my boy. That was a magnificent performance.”Insik says, hugging the violinist, a hard pat on his back that makes him laugh. “Although I’d say the first few minutes made me sleepy. Almost drooled on your father’s suit.” He snickers and Taehyung grins back. He glances at his father to see him glaring hard at his friend. He  _ was  _ never able to take a joke. 

“I’m so glad you were able to come see me.” Taehyung pulls back from the hug, gratefully looking at the older male. He knows how busy Park Insik is, working on dramas and ads and interviews—yet he always makes time for Taehyung whenever he can, something the violinist wishes his father did instead. 

“Classical music is not my scene but I’d always come to watch you. Have I ever missed a show?” 

Taehyung shakes his head. “You have not.” Smiling, his eyes dart around them. “Where’s Jimin?”

“He’s gone to the washroom.” The actor says smiling when the clearing of a throat gains Taehyung’s attention. He looks at his father who is donning a hard expression, almost like he is disappointed.

“He’ll come around.” Kim Donggun says and Taehyung internally sighs. “The performance was good but you can do  _ better _ , Taehyung.” 

Taehyung looks down, slight dejection creeping in, both hands clenching into fists. Of course, his father will never be satisfied with whatever he does, no matter how  _ hard _ he tries. 

“I noticed you didn’t extend the crescendo. You also went a little fast-paced when you weren’t supposed to. Fix that. You don’t have any room for mistakes with the fall competition in the next two weeks.” 

“Yes Dad. I’m sorry.” Taehyung replies, almost mechanically.

“Yah.” Park Insik pats Kim Donggun’s back. “Don’t be so hard on the boy. I didn’t even notice any mistake.” He grunts, tsking at his friend and that brings a small, hesitant smile on Taehyung’s face. 

“You just professed classical music isn’t your scene. Of course you wouldn’t notice.” Kim Donggun fires back. “If he wants to make a career out of this, he  _ needs _ to work harder. He is Kim Taehyung. He shouldn’t be making mistakes at this point in his life. I’m pointing out where he needs to work hard on.” He then turns to Taehyung, gaze cold and strict. “Fall break starts tomorrow. I expect you to keep practicing until d-day. Make sure to take care of your hands.” His father says and Taehyung gives him a quick nod and a bow when he starts walking away towards a group of foreigners, probably investors, sighing audibly once his father is out of earshot. 

“You did really great. Don’t take him seriously. You know he’s a stuck up perfectionist right?” Insik softly asks and Taehyung smiles, wondering how they were still friends. Their differences were too uncanny. 

“Thank you Uncle.” Taehyung simply says.

“What is this tense atmosphere I sense?” Park Jimin says, coming behind Taehyung and putting an arm over his shoulders. Taehyung glances at Jimin from the corner of his eyes. “Did Big Daddy Kim give you a piece of his mind again?”

Park Insik flicks his son’s head making Jimin let out a small whine after which he walks away to where Kim Donggun is. 

“Jimin, stop calling my father big daddy. It’s gross.” Taehyung scrunches up his nose in distaste. 

“It’s true though.” The short man defends himself with a roll of his eyes.

“Anyways, “ Taehyung says, turning around so that he is facing Jimin now, “I watched your recital.” Jimin is a pianist who likes to enter competitions whenever he wants to and he usually enters competitions where Taehyung is performing, he never tells the latter why. He can play other instruments based on the kind of music he likes and listens to—but his heart is set on the piano. He can also be quite reckless at times. 

Jimin grins. “Miss Choi was so pissed I didn’t play what we practiced. I completely left Beethoven in the cold and played my own rendition called Park Jimin’s “Moonlight” sonata.”

Taehyung grins at his best friend. 

“How was it?” Jimin asks, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “You think Beethoven would have approved?” 

“It was  _ amazing _ .” Taehyung replies. “You have always been an amazing composer.”

“Hearing that from Kim Taehyung’s own mouth isn’t that bad.” Jimin muses.

“Yah.” Taehyung playfully slaps Jimin’s back while the shorter one out of the two guffaws in laughter. “Just pray Miss Choi won’t be asking for your head for not giving her a heads up in the first place.” 

“It’s the element of surprise that I live for.” Jimin giggles, leaning against Taehyung. 

Taehyung spots his father from the corner of his eyes, who’s giving him a disapproving look so he quickly looks away. 

Sometimes, pretending to not see, did him better. 

Taehyung knows his father does not like him hanging out with Jimin even if he’s the son of his childhood friend. Jimin is wild, mischievous, someone who breaks the musical rules and bends it to his own will and it enrages Kim Donggun—the musical perfectionist. Jimin’s approach and perspective towards the kind of music he wants to create for himself goes against everything Kim Donggun believes and stands for. 

Taehyung thinks Jimin is  _ passionate _ , fervent and wild in his love for everything music and every piece Jimin composes has something unconcealed, something  _ raw  _ and an alluring appeal in it, something his caged self is not able to dive and explore. Not even when Taehyung  _ wants _ to—the shackles keeping him in place, unable to reach out. 

But Jimin crosses that distance, coming towards him with wonders he only dreams of doing with his music. His existence next to Taehyung may seem something casual, natural, just of a childhood friend, but Taehyung knows it means more than anything he lives for. Taehyung is grateful for Park Jimin in his life, whether his father likes it or not.

Taehyung thinks Jimin is more of a prodigy than he is. 

“So what are you doing tonight?” Jimin asks, stretching a little in the corner of the filled hallway. 

Leaning against the wall, Taehyung skeptically glances at people who keep looking at him, hesitant to come forward to talk to him. It makes him a little uncomfortable. 

“Practice.” Taehyung easily answers, looking down at his shoes and the grey carpeted floor. It looks more interesting at the moment. 

“Live a little Taehyung-ah. You just gave the performance of a lifetime with zero mistakes and you still want to practice?” 

“There  _ were _ a few mistakes.” 

“That’s what your father wants you to believe.” Jimin huffs, exasperated. Taehyung wants to tell him that his father was actually right in pointing out his mistakes and maybe he should practice on it but he thinks Jimin might not like it. So he stays quiet, just cheekily glancing at Jimin.

“Want to come with me?” Jimin asks next and Taehyung is curious. 

“Where?” 

“Where do I go after these boring as fuck recitals? A party of course.” Jimin looks at Taehyung in disbelief. “I thought you’d know after the countless times I ask you to come with me only to get rejected.” 

“I’ll pass.” Taehyung smiles. As much as Jimin is wild with his music, he is wilder with his parties. It makes Taehyung wonder about their differences as well. It is just as uncanny. Like fathers, like sons. 

“You’re just scared of coming with me because you haven’t been to one,  _ ever _ , in your life.” Jimin rolls his eyes. “Let me take you to break your party virginity.” 

A few girls passing their way looks at them weirdly and Taehyung glares at his friend. “Keep it down.”

“If you’re scared of Big Daddy Kim finding out, don’t worry. It’s out of town. Pretty exclusive. It will be filled with people who have no idea about the classical world so you can be whoever you want. Heck, you can even create a whole new identity and no one will question it.”

The smile Jimin is giving Taehyung at the moment is tempting.  _ Too  _ tempting. 

The music academy has been Taehyung’s whole life. Practice after practice, competitions and more competitions, everyone around him knows who he is and there are times when that feeling gets too suffocating. So imagining being able to walk around without the burden of having people watch him like a hawk, like he’s a ticking time bomb that could blow up anytime, watching his every movement—it’s tempting, but also  _ scary _ .

Taehyung has never taken risks in his life and he doesn’t want to because he hasn’t taken any before. It's as simple as that. 

He has no idea what will happen if he does agree to go someplace—out of town—and the uncertainty builds up a kind of fear in him. He has no intention to tread on such uncertainties.

“I’ll pass.” Taehyung repeats again but Jimin stares at the violinist, a small smile tugging on his lips—almost as if he understands something Taehyung does not. 

“I’ll come pick you up tonight.” Jimin says, tone and gaze firm. “Be ready.” With that, Jimin pats Taehyung’s cheek then sashays his way to his father where they fall into light bickering. It’s endearing to always watch those two

Standing there alone though, Taehyung fails to understand why he did not deny nor had fallen into a disagreement with Jimin about the party. He fails to understand why he seemed to be more thrilled than nervous after Jimin said that. His heart buzzes with an excitement that has unconsciously seeped in and a hint of a smile graced his features. 

Maybe he did want to go to one. 

  
  
  


☽☽☽

  
  
  


A melancholic melody fills the dimly lit room. Taehyung has his eyes closed in concentration as the despairing tunes of John Williams “Theme” from his Schindler’s list weaves around him. 

It’s sad,  _ dismal _ , makes the violinist's heart tremble with what the story behind the heart wrenching overtones is, as he feels the emotions he’s portraying by himself. He feels it and delivers it with an emotional intensity to the empty room. This is when Taehyung is most at peace with his violin in his hands. Not in front of the audience, but there, by himself. 

When it ends, the silence overpowers the room again and he pauses, stays in that position for a while before he opens his eyes and leaves a deep sigh, hands holding both the bow and the violin falling down beside him. 

It’s almost 8 pm, the dark skies outside the window and the ticking of the clock indicating that time is indeed passing by.

Yet, there is no sign of Jimin still. Placing his violin and bow in its case, Taehyung picks up the water bottle on the table and gulps it down while walking outside of his music room and into the hall of his small apartment. He has somehow managed to convince his father to let him stay in an apartment, away from the lonely, huge mansion, a safe space for his own sanity. 

He was only allowed to stay in his apartment for certain days though, spending most of his time back at the house amidst music sheets and under the unwavering gaze of his father. Taehyung usually spends his time at his apartment after a performance or competition, the silence in that place comforting him more than the house he grew up in could ever do. 

However, the same silence is broken by the loud, continuous, ringing of his doorbell.

Taehyung rushes because the ringing is not stopping and the young violinist has an idea who it would be. 

He opens the door, glaring at a cheekily smiling Jimin. 

“Don’t do that. I’ll get complaints.” Taehyung lets Jimin in and closes the door.

“As if they would dare come complain to Kim Taehyung.” 

“People here won’t care about that. One of the reason I chose this place.” Taehyung quips, plopping down on the couch.

“What are you doing? Go get ready.” Jimin insists, putting his hand on his hips and squinting his eyes at Taehyung. “Don’t give me the “I’ll pass” bullshit because I know you want to come with me.” 

“I  _ am _ ready.” Taehyung asserts, sitting up straight but nervously glancing at Jimin. He has no idea what to wear to parties, sue him. 

A moment of silence passes before Jimin sighs and stands straight, arms open wide, twirling around a second later. 

“Taehyung, look at what i’m wearing.” 

Jimin is donning a white button up shirt with the cuffs open that makes the sleeves look like sweater paws, his tiny hands peeking out of it, Taehyung notices, the first few buttons unbuttoned, his collarbones on full display. The shirt is tucked into loose slacks that are fitted on the waist, accentuating it gloriously—Jimin has a tiny waist. 

Taehyung has to admit that his friend looks sexy. He even has eye make up on, the charm in his eyes increasing 10x, ashy grey hair perfectly tousled. 

“Now look at what you’re wearing.” Jimin says, folding his arms again. 

Taehyung looks down at his outfit. 

He doesn’t understand what’s wrong with wearing a button up shirt with a white sweater vest over it, brown slacks and white sneakers. He looks decent enough.

“Why? What’s wrong with this? I always dress this way.” Taehyung sounds almost offended, his cheeks a bright pink. 

“That’s the point.” Jimin says, grabbing Taehyung’s hand and pulling him up. “We’re not going to a library and you’re  _ not _ supposed to dress like yourself. Whole identity change, remember? I’m choosing your outfit.” He declares.

Taehyung lets Jimin drag him towards his bedroom, open his closet and ransack through it. He throws a few clothes here and there and the violinist makes a mental note to let Jimin clean it up later. A few minutes later of rummaging and making a mess, Jimin gasps at something he finds. 

“I bought you this last year and you still have the price tag on?” Jimin asks, pulling out a black silk shirt from the closet. 

Taehyung shrugs. “I didn’t know when to wear it.” 

Jimin throws it at Taehyung, the latter catching it in quick surprise. “Well, now you know. Strip.”

10 minutes later, Taehyung has a new outfit on. The black shirt hangs over his shoulder, his collarbones exposed and the cuffs kept open like Jimin’s. He notices they match a little. The jeans are a little too tight for him but Jimin isn’t hearing his protests, he also has a chain on his neck and combat boots on his feet. Jimin grins, proud at his outfit selection and makes Taehyung sit on the bed, curling his hair a little before ruffling it, giving him an edgy look. He even puts on a little makeup for Taehyung, mostly around the eye.

“If you had a twin brother who dressed like this, he would totally be my type.” Jimin casually says while Taehyung turns a bit red. “Done. This is what I call a whole new identity.”

Taehyung does look different— somehow edgy, somehow rough, someone who doesn’t look like him at all. Looking at himself through the mirror makes his heart thump in an excitement that settles in his chest.

Jimin stands beside him and taps his shoulder, looking at Taehyung through the mirror.

“We’re gonna go to this party and you will not be Kim Taehyung—the musical prodigy. You will be Kim Taehyung, the ordinary 23 year old guy who just wants to have some little fun. Okay?” 

Taehyung takes a deep breath and nods. “Yes, okay.”

Jimin smiles and playfully slaps Taehyung’s ass, surprising the latter before grabbing his phone. 

“Let’s go have some fun then.”

  
  
  


☽☽☽

  
  
  


When Jimin had told Taehyung that the party is going to be held out of town, he did not mention anything about it being in a bar, in some kind of an alleyway, hidden from the city. The place looks sketchy enough with random people hanging outside in groups or by themselves, cigarettes in their hands and eyes darting around like they were hunting for preys. 

Taehyung thinks if it’s alright to let himself loose here because if anything, it puts him on guard.

He had grown up sheltered most of his life and having a friend like Jimin who loves risks and adventures, it would be easy to be influenced by him and fall in love with life. But Taehyung was never able to even do that, not when he had his father breathing down his neck.

This is the first time Taehyung wanted to do something on his own accord, albeit with a small push from Jimin. 

Yet he cannot pretend that his fear and insecurity didn’t rush through, mixed with an exhilarating excitement. The combination overwhelms him and he pauses in his steps, a few steps away from Jimin’s parked car. 

“Are you sure we’ll be fine?” Taehyung asks, shivering a little because of the late night autumn air. He has an overcoat on but it still feels cold. Maybe it is the nerves. 

“If you truly want to have fun, it will be fine. There are a lot of good people in there even though it might not look like it. Also I’m reducing my intake on alcohol tonight just so I make sure you’re okay and letting loose in there.”Jimin is reassuring him and maybe Taehyung relaxes a little, his voice and gaze comforting to the violinist. 

“Okay.” 

And so they walk through the alleyway, Taehyung feeling a little uncomfortable under the watchful gazes, almost making him feel he doesn’t belong there, until they reach a big wooden door, a hefty looking bouncer outside the door, his big arms folded. 

Jimin smiles at him and he smiles back, opening the door for them. Jimin must frequent this place a lot is what Taehyung thinks as he quietly follows his friend inside. 

The bass thumping in his heart is the first thing Taehyung feels and people dancing everywhere is the first thing he sees. The music is not that loud yet it vibrates through his body in waves completely different from the kind of music he is used to. The other bouncer inside offers to take care of their coat and they smile as he takes it off for them, hanging it on the rack with a number. 

There are purple and blue lights flashing around along with the beat of the music, people dancing with pitchers in their hands, some are just sitting down on tables, quietly drinking or silently looking around, some are even indulged in conversations Taehyung is not sure about.

Jimin grabs Taehyung’s hand, leading him to the bar area, pushing past dancing people who intentionally or unintentionally puts their hands on Taehyung’s body, the latter letting out squeaks or swatting them away i’m surprise, his heartbeats just increasing in pace. Taehyung feels he can finally breathe when they reach the bar area, which is surprisingly emptier compared to the rest of the place.

The bartender, a short looking man, tattoos on his exposed arm and neck, piercings on his ears and lip, almost as short as Jimin, maybe a little taller, beams when he sees them, especially Jimin and Taehyung is quite surprised when Jimin leans in and kisses the bartender smack on his lips. 

Now Taehyung and Jimin aren’t like those friends who tell each other every little thing. They have a bond closer than average friends do but they are still busy and private about their lives most of the time until there comes a time when they feel the need to tell or when it casually arises during conversations. Even then, they have conversations about it, not really hiding it, just finding the right time to talk about it.

So this is quite a surprise to Taehyung because Jimin hadn’t really told him about a certain guy he is seeing at the moment. 

“He’s Taehyung.” Jimin introduces over the music as the bartender looks at the violinist. “Taehyung, he’s Yoongi, my boyfriend. We just recently started dating.” Jimin smiles but Taehyung notices the darkening of his cheeks. 

Taehyung perks up at the word boyfriend and he immediately stretches out his hand for the person to shake. 

Yoongi looks at him funnily but he takes his hands anyways, giving it a small squeeze. “Nice to meet you, Taehyung. Jimin has told me a lot about you.” 

“L-Likewise.” Taehyung replies, shyly. “Although this is the first time I have been told of your existence.” 

Jimin grins. “I wanted to let you guys meet first. You know, after I was really sure about us.” 

Taehyung playfully rolls his eyes and takes a seat on the stool while Jimin does the same. 

“Drinks on the house.” Yoongi grins and pecks Jimin again. “Because you look hella gorgeous tonight.” 

Taehyung feels himself smiling a little watching Jimin giggling as Yoongi leans in and tells something in his friend’s ear. In a way, Yoongi does look like he is perfect for Jimin, like he can handle Jimin as gently as much as he is wild. They look cute together. 

It almost made Taehyung wish he had someone as well. Maybe a cute guy who’s attentive towards him like Yoongi is to Jimin. Maybe a cute guy to have cute coffee dates with and who spends time with him in libraries. Maybe a guy who wouldn’t care about his title as a prodigy and is willing to know more about who he is as a person past his talents. 

He knows he likes boys. His dad. surprisingly, knows he likes boys.

It was during high school when he had his “friend” over and both were curious, wanting to confirm something they had their doubts on, when his dad walked in on them making out on his bed. 

Taehyung was horrified, thinking his father would be against it, hit him, fight him for even doing that with a boy, the same gender. 

_ “I don’t care. Focus on your music and that’s it. There shouldn’t be time to date anyways.” _ Is what he received instead. 

He didn’t know if he was relieved or disappointed then.

“Okay enough. Go back to work.” Jimin's voice brings Taehyung out of the unpleasant memory and he sees Jimin playfully pushing Yoongi away from him. The bartender smiles, returning to making their drinks instead. 

Jimin turns to Taehyung then, a sly smile on his face. “So? What do you think so far?” 

“I feel stuffy.” Taehyung grimaces. 

“You need a drink.”

“If it’s not alcohol.” 

Jimin pinches Taehyung’s legs, the latter jumping in surprise, rubbing the spot which will probably bruise later. 

“We’re at a bar, at a party, of course you’ll drink alcohol.” Jimin says and soon after Yoongi places two different drinks on the counter.

“I figured you wouldn’t want anything strong so it’s a cocktail with just a little alcohol.” Yoongi winks and Taehyung gratefully smiles, taking the drink in his hand.

“I like your boyfriend.” Taehyung comments and Jimin scoffs while downing his own beer. After two drinks, Taehyung feels a little refreshed, already used to the vibe of the place. 

A few more people come over to Jimin and Taehyung, talk for a few seconds then go on their way, a few greet Taehyung, interested because of a new face. Jimin has always been a social person, Taehyung has grown up watching him be surrounded by people he had no idea about but somehow Jimin seems to know each of them. So it is no surprise for him to see the same happening at the bar. 

There are a few guys that come to Taehyung, flirty smiles and gazes thrown his way and although Taehyung feels a little uneasy, he lets them, mostly amused at the tactics or words they use. They are respective enough to not put their hands on him without consent and Taehyung is grateful for that, Also maybe because Jimin threatened them off with a glare if they tried to do something more 

By the end of his fourth drink and a little more alcohol in his system, Taehyung is giggling at something that Jae, a guy that has been flirting with him for the past 15 minutes, says. Jae is cute and funny, making Taehyung laugh by being his charming self. As the time goes on, Taehyung feels more comfortable with him and he finds himself relaxing a whole lot than when he first arrived. 

“You wanna dance?” Jae asks, carefully holding Taehyung’s hands and Taehyung looks at Jimin who gives him a thumbs up so he nods and lets Jae lead him to the dance floor. 

The music is loud there, Taehyung not hearing anything except the music he doesn’t know the name of. He closes his eyes and moves his body along with the beat, laughing because he realises he cannot really dance at all. Jae holds his hands and pulls him closer but Taehyung pushes himself back and gives Jae a meaningful glance.

Jae understands, smiling and pulling his hands back up in surrender, laughing along with Taehyung as he comes up with goofy dance moves with the sole intention of making Taehyung laugh. Taehyung realises he likes this—being so carefree, meeting amazing and amusing people.

They don’t put their guard up in front of him or give him fake smiles. They don’t see him as Kim Taehyung— the musical genius. They see him as just Taehyung—the guy who wants to have fun. 

He realises he really likes this. Because as much as there aren’t people pretending, Taehyung realises he doesn’t need to pretend as well. 

  
  
  


☽☽☽ 

  
  
  


After dancing with Jae and his friends for a while, Taehyung feels like he needs to breathe a little, the two hours of him having fun taking a toll on him.

“Jimin.” He calls out to his friend who’s making out with Yoongi in the corner. He grimaces a little. 

“Yes, what? You okay?” Jimin asks, turning to look at Taehyung, his hair more tousled, eyes hazy and lips and cheeks flushed. 

“I’m okay. I just need some fresh air so I’ll be outside for a while.” Taehyung informs. “You can continue swapping spits.”

He laughs when Jimin glares and flips the finger at him before making his way outside, passing through sweaty bodies and rejecting advances with a polite smile. He finally reaches the door, the bouncer giving him his coat and being kind enough to open it for him.

Taehyung walks out, the cold breeze immediately hitting his cheeks and exposed neck, making him shiver a little bit. It feels really nice though, the chilly air washing his tiredness away and immediately refreshing him. 

He decides to walk a little further, down the alleyway before turning a corner and that is when he sees him under the dim lights of the lamp above him. 

It is a tall guy, tattoos up his neck and ruffled hair hiding his face. But what catches Taehyung’s attention is the tall guy punching a much smaller guy on the cold, concrete ground. 

His gut tells him to run away but he feels like if he doesn’t stop the guys, the other guy might just die seeing the blood on his face. 

So without a second thought, Taehyung rushes towards them and gets hold of the arm that is up in the air, ready to swing at the man below him. The tall guy, surprised, turns around immediately, having being stopped and Taehyung notices furrowed doe eyes which look furious. 

Taehyung pleads with his eyes first, holding the arm tightly, not letting go. He thinks he’s crazy to get in between a fist fight, the chances of him getting hurt as well, increasing by the second but he doesn’t let go of the arm. 

“Let go.” Doe-eyes says, gaze piercing through Taehyung’s own pleading gaze. 

Taehyung shakes his head. “Y-You’ll k-kill him.”

Doe-eyes scoffs before standing up from his kneeling position and yanks his arm away from Taehyung’s grasp only for the man on the ground to quickly scramble up and run away with grunts and heavy breaths. He sure runs fast for an injured man. 

“Fuck th-“ Before doe-eyes can pursue him, Taehyung grabs his arms again, buying the other man some time to run.

“What the fuck are you doing?” The guy asks, yanking his arm away and pushing Taehyung against the wall. 

Taehyung gasps, the contact of his back with the wall hurting a little. 

Wincing, Taehyung glares back at the guy.. “Should I have let you kill him then? He was already bleeding so much.”

“That would have been better.” The guy sneers, punching his bloodied fist on the wall right next to Taehyung’s face. Taehyung might have just heard a crack. He shivers. 

“What are you doing? You’ll hurt yourself!” Taehyung scowls, pushing the fist away from the wall and cradling it in his own hands, scrunching up his nose at the cuts and blood on it. 

The guy blinks down at Taehyung, flabbergasted.

“Don’t move.” Taehyung instructs, eyebrows furrowed before taking out a handkerchief from his back pocket and gently tying it around the hand. “This will do for now. Make sure to get it properly treated.” The violinist sighs. He suddenly notices the tattoos peeking out from under the sleeves of his leather jacket and he unconsciously reaches towards touch it but the guy yanks his hand away, again. Taehyung takes his hands back. 

“A thank you would suffice.” 

“I didn’t ask you to do this.” Doe-eyes grunts, sighing and looking at his handkerchief tied hand. 

“You don’t ask for kindness.” Taehyung smiles, leaning against the wall, putting his hands inside his overcoat pocket. The guy looks at Taehyung weirdly, wondering why he is smiling, until he grimaces and looks away. 

Taehyung pouts, swaying a little as he looks away as well. He notices the guy coming to stand beside him, leaning against the wall himself and sighing again. 

“You sigh a lot.” 

“No shit.” The guy scoffs. 

“What’s your name?” 

“What’s yours?” 

“You can’t answer a question with a question.” 

“Can’t I?” 

“I’m Taehyung.” 

“You’re annoying.”

Taehyung scoffs. “I’m annoying for asking your name?” 

“You ask too many questions.” 

“I just asked for your name. You’re the one going around in circles.” Taehyung murmurs. 

“Take a hint then.” 

“Hint for what?” 

“Are you really this dense?”

“Hey now. That was an innocent question.” Taehyung scowls, turning to look at the guy, who now has his head leaned against the wall with his eyes closed. 

Taehyung doesn’t understand why the guy needs to be so rude with him while he’s trying to just start a conversation. When the silence stretches for a moment too long, Taehyung decides to ask another question. 

“Why were you beating that guy up?” 

The guy opens his eyes. 

Maybe it’s the alcohol in his system, maybe not, Taehyung thinks the guy’s doe eyes look beautiful even though there are hints of annoyance in them. 

“Now that is a good question.” He turns towards Taehyung. “He stole from me and now because of you I don’t have my wallet anymore. I wasn’t going to beat him to death. Just enough to scare him but you appeared like an annoying fly and made him run away.” 

Taehyung’s eyes widen. “ Oh my gosh I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.” 

“Of course you didn’t.” The guy rolls his eyes. “Whatever. I didn’t have that many bucks with me anyway. I just wanted to scare him off so that he doesn’t do it again. For a while at least.”

“I’m still feeling guilty.” Taehyung gulps, eyebrows furrowed.

“I said it’s whatever.” The guy sighs, folding his arms and leaning against the wall again. 

“Really? Maybe I can pay y-“ 

“Hey.” The man growls lowly and Taehyung gulps his words away as he stares at the man beside him. “I said it’s fine, didn’t I? Now shut the fuck up.”

Taehyung huffs and looks away but he doesn’t say anything after that. Well for a few seconds that is. 

“I still don’t know your name.” 

“You  _ are _ really annoying.” The man sighs loudly. 

Taehyung scowls. “Well you aren’t going away either.”

“Because I came here first.” 

“I’m here too so the least we can do is converse decently.” 

“Haven’t you heard of silent company?” 

“Is that even a thing?” 

“No. I just made it up so just shut up if you’re gonna stay here.” 

“You’re rude.” Taehyung pouts.

“You quack a lot. Should just call you a fucking duck.” 

The violinist scoffs. “If I’m a duck, you’re, you’re—“ 

“Yes?” The man smirks, turning to look at Taehyung, urging him to finish his sentence. 

“AGH!” Taehyung just bellows and heaves heavily, hints of annoyance creeping up on his face now. 

The guy lets out a chuckle at Taehyung’s given up expression and even though the violinist thinks it’s adorable, he is still annoyed. 

“You even look like a duck. All that pouting and shit.” 

“I’m not a duck.” Taehyung huffs again, still refusing to look at Jeongguk.

Taehyung thinks they’ve resorted to the “silent company” the man beside him wanted them to act like so he just stays quiet until he hears boots thumping the gravel below. 

“The name’s Jeongguk.” 

Taehyung turns with a smile. “Jeongguk?” 

Jeongguk grimaces again.

“Why d’you look so happy?” 

“Because you finally told me your name after all that attitude. Isn’t so hard, is it?” Taehyung actually looks smug. 

Jeongguk scoffs and looks away. 

“Annoying duck.”

“I’ll let it slide becasue you told me your name. Please don’t call me that anymore.” 

“Call you what? Annoying? Duck? Annoying duck?” 

Taehyung gives him a tight lipped smile. “Now  _ you’re _ the  _ annoying  _ one.” 

Jeongguk chuckles before pushing himself off of the wall.

“Well whatever. See you around, annoying duck.” 

“You’re leaving?” Taehyung asks, wondering why he’s suddenly getting upset over that. 

Maybe because he never had a conversation this carefree with someone before, a stranger at that. He actually enjoyed it despite their moments of annoyance. 

“I can’t stay here the whole night, can I?” Jeongguk asks without looking back, walking furthur away, towards the highway. 

“That’s true.” Taehyung murmurs, sighing.

“Oh right.” Jeongguk says, stopping and turning towards Taehyung. “Make sure you don’t suddenly jump into fights. You might just be the one getting hurt next time.” With a wave, Taehyung watches Jeongguk walk away lazily, even his stance seeming cool to look at. 

“Goodbye.” Taehyung whispers to his retreating back.

After Jeongguk walks around the corner, Taehyung is left alone with the silence and the dim lights from the lamps above. He ponders over their short time together, soft chuckles leaving at the absurdity of it all. 

The silence breaks though when his phone rings and he takes it out of his pockets. 

It’s his father. 

He quickly accepts the call and unconsciously stands up straight. “Hello? Dad?” 

“Taehyung what are you doing at a place like that?” 

“Huh? W-“ 

“I got a message with a picture of you in that pathetic place. Right after a disappointing performance. You should be practising and perfecting your next performance. You don’t belong there.” His father’s voice is stern. 

Taehyung wavers at the words thrown at him. He clenches his jaw. “Where do I belong then? The manufactured life you created for me?” 

“Taehyung!” His father yells, voice angry. “I did not manufacture this life for you.You were born for it. It  _ is  _ your life. Learn to live with it instead of complaining about it.” 

Taehyung feels like the ground underneath him is shaking.

There’s a tremble inside his body and he does not know if he’s angry, hurt, disappointed, maybe a combination of all of the above feelings. He feels more suffocated. 

“I’ve already sent the bodyguards to pick you up. Quietly come with them. You understand me?” 

Taehyung doesn’t say anything.

“Do you understand?” 

“Yes, dad.” He finally gives in. 

After the call gets disconnected, Taehyung waits, alone, the wind getting colder as it seeps into his silk shirt. He grabs his arms, hoping to warm himself up but he feels cold and lost from the inside. He keeps thinking, the thoughts in his head awaking a myriad of unwanted emotions in his mind. 

How long does he need to keep living this life?

How long does he need to live just to please his father? 

How long does he need to cave in to his father’s expectations? 

How long does he need to be shackled under the constant pressure of being a musical prodigy? 

Taehyung hears footsteps approaching him and he slowly looks up to see a few men in black walking towards him from the end of the alleyway on his right. 

In the next few seconds, the events of the whole night plays in his head. He had never felt this free and laid back before. He was able to relax his body and mind completely and allowed nonchalance to take over him. 

He is on the other side of town, he’s free, he’s laid back he likes it like that. 

Unconsciously, he finds his feet moving, away from the bodyguards, towards the left side of the alleyway. The bodyguards pause for a moment, looking at him in confusion until they realise and start to pick up pace as well.

Taehyung grins as he fully starts to run, running away from the life waiting for him back at home. 

Maybe, realistically thinking, he cannot really run away, but for that night, he wants to, he doesn’t want to let the feelings he felt that night all go away. At least for that night. 

His heart thumps as he feels the wind hitting his face. It stings but it’s exhilarating. His feet hurt and feels heavy but he’s laughing, and running. 

He finally reaches the end of the alleyway, the sidewalk and the highway visible and what does he see? 

He sees Jeongguk. 

So he runs towards him, he doesn’t know why but he grins and runs straight to him. 

Jeongguk starts his bike and is putting on his helmet when he notices Taehyung running towards him. 

“Why are y-“ 

“Go go go.” Taehyung yelps, easily getting on the seat behind Jeongguk, for someone who has never sat on a bike before. He holds onto Jeongguk’s shoulder for support, bouncing on his seat. 

Jeongguk is  _ so  _ confused, about to yell at Taehyung to get the fuck off his bike until he sees two men in black suits huffing rushing towards them once they notice them on the bike, from the end of the alleyway. 

“What the fuck?” Jeongguk curses, more confused. 

“Jeongguk just start moving!” Taehyung pushes Jeongguk’s shoulders, laughing in the process. He sounds mad in his own head but the adrenaline rush is too strong for Taehyung to care.

“You are one crazy fucker.” Jeongguk grunts, quickly putting on the helmet and handing an extra to Taehyung, who excitedly puts it on as well. Safety first. 

“Hold tight.” Jeongguk sighs, revving you the engine, eyes darting between the men running towards them and the road in front of them. 

Taehyung laughs again then puts his arms around Jeongguk’s waist, tight and secure before he squeals as Jeongguk immediately takes on the road with a speed Taehyung is not used to, the men stopping, their hands on their knees, behind them, unable to catch up.

Jeongguk feels warm against Taehyung’s body, despite the cold wind that forces him to close his eyes. He feels rejuvenated, heart thumping so loud and fast against his chest, having disobeyed his father for the first time. He laughs against the wind again as Jeongguk swerved through the road, passing by cars and buses and trucks. Taehyung sees the city lights in a blur as the bike picks up speed again, his hold getting tighter. 

The violinist finally feels  _ free _ , for the first time in many years, in that particular moment.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> i rewrote this chapter as i had already posted it on twitter but i added a few things more. it should not be that different from what i wrote on twitter but this is still better i guess ajsjsj


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